Breathe Me
by x.alice.massacre.x
Summary: Bella kicks Alice out and she goes to stay with Jasper. Better than it sounds. Rated M but there will be no lemons. Somewhat of a songfic. A/H JxA
1. Chapter 1

Here's my new story. I hope you like it. Somewhat of a songfic based on Breathe Me by Sia. Rated M for dark themes and sexual references and slight sexual contact. R&R Don't forget to check out my other story, Loving You, Loosing You. The link is on my profile.–Alice xoxo.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Simple as that. **

Chapter 1:

"Alice," my best friend, Bella said as she walked into the bathroom on me – my fault for leaving the door wide open. "Do I have to hide every sharp object every time I leave the room?"

She stared at the pair of tweezers that I was dragging across my skin. The way her voice sounded I could tell that she was holding her breath. The sight of blood makes her sick. She walked over and took my new cutting tool out of my hands. The blood dripped out of the cut and into the sink.

My cutting isn't that much of a surprise to Bella anymore. In the past two or so months that I've lived with her she's probably caught me in the act a hundred times. The first time she saw it, she cried and said, "why Alice? Why?"

Well, only because it's the only fucking way I can feel! After being a victim of both incest and molestation. After being almost beaten to death from my own mother. Watching myself bleed is the only way to know that I'm alive. Just like that song Iris. _You bleed just to know you're alive._

I was lucky to have Bella. She was my family now. She was my foster sister since I was nine until I was granted emancipation when I was 17. And Bella was 19 then and had her own place in the small town of Forks, Washington. She welcomed me happily and then. But since she found out that I was a cutter, she's been treating me like I was a fucking kid. Why don't you just sit me in front of the T.V. and make me watch fucking Hannah Montana?

"Get cleaned up," she said, "people are coming."

I pulled the sleeves back up so they were coving the cuts and scars that were all over my arm and wrist. "Who?" I asked.

"Edward and his brother, Emmett. Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie and her brother, Jasper."

I sighed. I really didn't like being around other people. It was because of people that I have a fucking "mental problem."

Bella leaned against the doorframe as I turned on the water to let the blood run down the drain. "Just be nice ok?" she whispered. I noticed that the tweezers were still in her hand. I nodded. "And could you wear something a little less…" her voice trailed off as she thought of something to say, "slutty?"

I looked down to examine my clothes. A red corset with black lace. A leather skirt with fishnets underneath. Red knee-high boots. And red sleeves on my arms. _I_ certainly didn't think what I was wearing was slutty.

I raised one eyebrow – something that I perfected years ago. It creeps people out because it screams 'what the fuck are you talking about?' louder than I can make my voice.

"Fine, don't change," she spat at me before heading towards the stairs to go down and get ready, "just be down before five."

When she was away, I grabbed the bottle of hairspray out from under the sink and sprayed a large amount onto my sleeve. After I put the container away, I ran the hairspray-coated sleeve under my nose and breathed in heavily. After a few huffs I was starting to get dizzy.

I heard the front door open downstairs and Bella greet the people who came in. I heard her call up that stairs for me. She sounded far away, but loud, like she was standing right in front of my face. It was kind of creepy.

I inhaled again and the room literately spun. "ALICE!" Bella screamed again. "GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I said back. She shut up then and I heard her murmur words like, 'sorry,' and 'she's usually not like this,' to our guests. I breathed my sleeve in one more time. Whatever that's in it that makes me high was starting to run out.

I sighed and began slowly walk down the stairs. I had to hold on to the railing or else I would have tripped. Even so, I stumbled on the last few steps. God, I was turning into Bella – the girl who literately trips over a fucking flat surface.

I staggered to the kitchen table where everyone else was already at and eating. I sat next to the only person in the group who I've never seen before. He must have been Rosalie's twin brother, Jasper, who I have heard about. I tried to look at him, but every time my eyes focused on anything, the room spun. The only thing I could tell about him was that he had wavy blonde hair and he looked like that guy from the fucked-up vampire chick flick that everyone is obsessed with.

"Alice," Bella said in a rude-sarcastic way, "so glad you could join us."

I put my head down on the table, not even stopping to notice the nice dinner that Bella took the time to make. I wasn't hungry. My head was screaming in protest and I felt like I was going to get sick.

"Are you going to eat something?" the unfamiliar voice next to me said. He had a southern accent that made me wet my panties.

I looked at him and shielded my eyes from the harsh light above. "I cant fucking eat. I'm fat," I said as nicely-but-sternly as I could.

He looked at me up and down and raised and eyebrow – exactly like I could – and said, "no, your not. Eat something."

"Did you eat anything at all today?" Bella asked, cutting into our conversation.

"I CANT FUCKING EAT, ISABELLA! I'M FUCKING FAT!" I screamed, jumping up. Everyone stared at me but Bella didn't even flinch – not even when I used her full name. She just remained calm. I was the exact opposite. I could tell my face was red and the angry tears pricked at my eyes. I blinked them back. I was not going to fucking cry. I'm not a fucking baby.

The Jasper dude next to me put his hand over top of mine. "Alice," his voice made me calm down, "you got to eat something. You don't want to get sick, do you?" He talked to me like I was a five-year old.

"I don't fucking care. I don't want to get fat," I spat back at him.

He rubbed my wrist and his magic calming effect starting working again. "You wont get fat from eating, beautiful, just eat something. Please?" His eyes looked sad and I could tell that it was just a secret weapon. But I really didn't care! I fucking melt when boys cry.

"Ok," I sighed, sitting back down and getting a piece of bread. I ate it quickly and stood up again. "Ya'll happy? I ate." I took a sip of the water that was on the table next to my clean plate before I ran all the way back upstairs to the bathroom and leaned myself over the toilet, stuck my finger far back enough in my mouth that the bread I just ate came back out.

I brushed my teeth when I was finished, just to get the taste – and smell – out of my mouth before I went back downstairs. When I did – the table was already cleared and everyone was just sitting around talking.

I sat back down next to Jasper and he smiled at me. None of them had the slightest inkling of what I just did.

We talked for a while – about stuff that I was too high to remember. Suddenly, Jasper looked at his phone and then at Rosalie. "Rose," he said, "We gotta get home so I can finish packing."

"Packing?" I asked. I sounded like a little fucking kid whose parents were leaving them. Not that I don't know what that feels like. "Were are you going?"

"I gotta go back home to _Philadelphia. I was just here for the weekend." I must have looked sad because he also added, "I'll come back again soon, darlin'.'"_

_He and Rosalie left. Edward and Emmett were soon to fallow (but not before Edward and Bella made out, Emmett practically screaming "Getta fucking room, love sick puppies," and they pulled away with red faces.)_

_I went back upstairs when everyone was gone and sprayed my sleeve with hairspray. Bella caught me._

_"What the hell are you doing?" She asked. I didn't answer with words but I inhaled the contents of my sleeve. The room spun. I had to hold on to the sink for support but continued to breathe in the fumes. _

_I looked at Bella. "I keep hearing this waa waaa waa inside my head."_

_She walked over to my and pulled my wrist away from my face. "That's your brain cells popping."_

_I tried to pull my wrist back but she had a strong grip on it. "Your hurting me!" I said, even though it really didn't._

_"You're going to hurt yourself, Alice. Stop it!" Bella took the sleeve off my arm and I grabbed at it, trying to get it from her._

_"What the fuck are you doing? Don't touch my stuff! Give it back!" I said, pulling at the sleeve. She held it above her head so I had to jump for it, since I was so short. But jumping wasn't such a good idea, because when I did, it made my head hurt. "Give. It. Back." I said through my teeth. _

_"No, Alice. Stop it!" I jumped up one more time but this time, I fell backwards and hit my head. It didn't even hurt. In fact, my whole body felt numb. I started laughing. I was laughing so hard that I started snorting. Which made me laugh harder. "Alice, you're scaring me."_

"Hit me," I said, "I'm serious, I can't feel anything, hit me!" Bella grabbed me and pulled me up off the floor. And then she hit me. Across the face. It made me laugh again. "Again, do it harder! I cant feel anything this is awesome!"

"I didn't hit you for your enjoyment, Alice. Snap out of it." She held onto my wrist tightly. It really started to hurt.

"Stop! You're hurting me, Bella. Let. Go. Of. Me."

"I thought you said you couldn't feel anything." She squeezed tighter.

"Well _that_ hurts!" I cried, "Let go of me. Ow! Stop!" I said. She let go of me and then started crying.

"Alice," she said calmly. "I can't deal with you anymore, I'm only 19. I can't take care of you anymore."

"What are you saying? Are you fucking kicking me out?" I asked. Bella didn't answer, she just nodded. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's to late for that, Alice. I can't take it anymore. You have to leave. I just can't take care of you anymore."

"I'm not a kid, Bella. You don't need to take care of me."

"Well, apparently I do. If you're going to get high off my hairspray."

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"So am I. Pack your stuff," she said sadly.

"What? Your making me leave tonight?" I cried. Bella looked down, unsure of what to say. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom to my bedroom and threw my clothes and other few things I own in a garbage bag.

Bella waited by the door for me to say goodbye. "I'm really sorry, Alice," she said. "I'll always love you. You'll always be like a sister to me."

"If you love me so much, then why are you kicking me out?" were the last words I said to her. As I walked out of her house, I heard her start to cry.

--

Nothing against Hannah Montana. Or "that fucked-up vampire chick flick that everyone is obsessed with." I'm obsessed with that. too.


	2. Chapter 2

I really don't like this story at all. I don't know why I'm posting the rest. It just is gonna start getting really stupid. I just have one quick question: I need some truth or dares. What are your best ones? It's not for this story. Immona use it in my next one. Thanks R&R. Nice reviews only, if I get mean ones I wont post any story anymore. Ever. And no, I'm not just being dramatic. –Alice xoxo

--

Chapter 2:

I walked up and down the streets for what seemed like hours, until I finally made it to the outskirts of Port Angeles and sat outside of a small store. What was I going to do? I had nowhere to go. No money. And, it was starting to rain. I put my head in my hands and felt the tears prick at my eyes. I tried to blink them back. I wasn't going to fucking cry. But it was too late. The saltwater leaked from my eyes quickly and I didn't try to stop them. It's been a while since I had a good cry. The tears eventually turned into sobs. I didn't attempt to stifle them. People stared at me, but I didn't care at that point.

I heard a ringing sound, signaling someone coming out of the store. "Hey," the person's familiar voice said. "Alice? What's the matter?" I looked up. It was that Jasper dude.

Great. It was bad enough it people I didn't know watched me cry. But it was Jasper. I knew him. Not very well, but I knew him. I didn't want him to think I was a fucking baby, just sitting around crying.

He sat down next to me. "What's the matter?" I couldn't answer. I just cried. Jasper pulled me closer and I didn't try to stop. How long has it been that I was able to cry to someone? He rubbed my arm as he held me.

When I was finally able to speak, I whispered, "Bella kicked me out. And I don't have any place to go." My voice was broken from the sobs. I breathed shakily.

Jasper thought for a minute. "Rosalie made me buy an extra ticket home. She, at the time, wanted to come with me for a while. But she changed her mind. I still got the ticket. You can come stay with me, if you want."

I tried not to smile like a thirteen year old with her first crush. "Are you sure? I'm a burden, just so you know."

"Don't worry about it. The only thing is, we gotta get going now. We have to be at the airport in 2 hours." He stood up and held out his hand. I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing and he pulled me up.

He held my hand as he pulled me towards Rosalie's car – which she was driving. Jasper got in the back with me.

"Does Bella know where you are?" She asked, looking at me as if I was a fucking little kid who ran away.

"No she kicked me out," I answered.

"Why?" She asked. I didn't answer.

--

The next few hours passed in a blur. Jasper and I got checked into the airport and onto the plane. It was getting late, close to midnight. And I was starting to get tired. Jasper noticed that I blinked slowly, and my eyes stayed closed longer than they stayed open. He didn't object when I leaned myself against him.

"You tired?" He asked. I nodded. "It's ok, just sleep, sweetie." He kissed my hair. "I'll wake you up when we get there." I nodded again and let sleep wash over me.

The next thing I remember, Jasper was shaking me awake. "Ali, sweetie. Wake up. We're here."

I opened my eyes and the plane was just slowing down on the runway. My head hurt. Like a bad hangover. I just wanted to sleep. I closed my eyes.

"You cant go back to sleep, Alice. Wait until we get to my house. Or at least until we get in my car." I shook my head stubbornly. "Want me to carry you?" I wanted to yell at him, and tell him I wasn't a fucking baby. But I was too tired to even care, so I just nodded and Jasper picked me up…

--

I woke up again when we were in Jasper's car. I suddenly felt wide awake. The clock on the radio – which was on an alternative station and Cute is What We Aim For's Fourth Drink Instinct was playing quietly – said it was after 2:30. My head still hurt.

"Heyy, Sleepy," He said when he noticed that I was awake.

"Are we almost there?" I asked.

He nodded. "Just a few more minutes."

Sure enough, a few minutes later, we were at Jasper's apartment. "Want me to carry you again or do you think you can handle it?" He asked, smiling.

"I think I can manage," I said, getting out and grabbing my bag from the backseat of his car.

Jasper lived on the fourteenth floor of the large apartment building. The building was big, but his room wasn't.

"Sorry it's so small… and a mess. I didn't expect to bring home an inn mate," he laughed.

"Sorry. I wont be here long. Just long enough to get a job and find a place of my own…"

"Don't worry about it. You can stay as long as you need to. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of space for you. You're going to have to sleep on the couch…"

"It's ok," I whispered. Was I tired again already?

"No, it's not ok. It gets hot out here." He reached up to turn the ceiling fan on, and when he did, some of his shirt went up with him. I saw his belly button and that was it. I _wanted_ him. I had to squeeze my thighs together to relieve some of the pressure between my legs. Jasper misinterpreted it. "What's wrong with me? Why didn't I show you where it is already?" He thought out loud, "commere, the bathroom is this way."

_I don't have to pee_, I wanted to scream_, I want to fuck you senseless. I want to fuck you until you don't even know your name_. I didn't say anything and fallowed him to the bathroom anyway – grabbing my bathroom things on my way.

Jasper stopped me at the door, as if he was dropping me off after a date. "Well, I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. My room's over there if you need anything" – he pointed to the door across the hall – "Don't be afraid to use anything and the kitchen is always open. If there's food, that it." He smiled. "Good night, Alice." He turned away from me to go to his room.

"Jasper?" I said, he looked at me. "Thanks, for taking me in like this. On such short notice."

"Don't worry about it."

"And I will find a place" –

"I said don't worry about it," he cut me off. I smiled. "Stay as long as you want."

I nodded. "Night Jasper."

Once I was alone in the bathroom, I was able to cry. Not cry like I did to Jasper how ever many hours ago. I got the pair of tweezers that I stole from Bella's house and dragged it across my flesh. That's how I can really cry. My tears aren't clear anymore. There red from the blood.

I cleaned the evidence up, got changed into something to sleep in, and went to the bathroom before I went back out to the living room. I noticed that Jasper had brought out a pillow and blanket for me. He was too sweet to me.

I laid in bed – or couch – before I feel asleep. I thought about how I had to call Bella in the morning. To let her know that I found a place to stay. And I need to tell her that I was sorry for not respecting her when she let me stay with her. I fell asleep with tears of regret in my eyes.

--

I woke up to the smell of something that I learned over the years to hate – food. I rolled out of bed – or couch – and went into the kitchen where I found Jasper making something. I sat down at the table.

"Hey, Ali," he said when he noticed me. "I made us some pancakes."

"I can't fucking eat, Jasper. I'm fat. I need to loose ten pounds," I said. How couldn't he see that I was huge? Is he trying to feed me because he had a sick fetish for fat people? I mentally shook my head.

"Don't say that, Alice. You're not fat. You're beautiful. Please eat something. You didn't eat anything last night."

"I ate after you left," I lied. "Please don't make me eat."

"I'm sorry, darlin' but you have to," He grabbed a plate, put a pancake on it and set it in front of me. I pushed it away a little. "Please, Alice?" I shook my head.

"I'm fucking fat," I whispered through my teeth.

"Don't say that anymore. Please. You're not fat. Your beautiful," he said again.

"You already said that," I whispered. He didn't say anything. I lifted my shirt a little and looked at my belly button. "I'm so fucking huge. Why can't you see that?"

"No, Alice, why can't you see? You are so gorgeous. You're not fat at all. You're such a pretty girl. Please eat something." He made the same sad look in his eyes like he did the night before and I couldn't resist. Besides, I could get it out of my system before it had a chance to go through my body like the way it was suppose to.

"Ok," I sighed.

Jasper kissed my hair. "Thanks, sweetie."

I ate the pancake quickly, which would make it easier for me to bring it back up. When I was finished I got up from the table to bathroom, but Jasper caught my wrist and held me there, not letting me go. "Hey, hey, hey," he said, "were are you going so fast?"

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "I have to pee," I lied. He raised one eyebrow at me.

"Don't pretend like I don't know what you did last night at Bella's, Alice."

He caught me. I rocked back and forth on my feet. "I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. I squeezed my legs together. "Will you please let me go pee?"

He sighed and let me go. I went to the bathroom and got rid of everything I ate. I did feel bad for doing this to him.

Jasper was outside the bathroom when I came out. He shook his head. "I knew I couldn't trust you, Alice. Why did I believe you? Do I have to start coming in there with you just so I'm sure that you really do pee and that's _all_ you do?" He shook his head again but I just walked away. He stopped me. "Alice. I don't know what it was like to live with Bella but whatever it was, it's over. You live with me now, and I'm going to take care of you."

"I'm not a fucking baby. You don't need to take care of me."

"Well, I think I do, since you aren't doing a good enough job of taking care of yourself." He sighed. "Look I gotta go to work. I'll be back around 3:30 for my lunch and I'll call at 10 on my break. Keep the door locked and don't go anywhere. This isn't the best part of town. Don't do anything reckless or stupid when I'm gone." I nodded and he kissed my cheek before heading for the door.

"Jasper?" I called quietly before he was out the door. He looked at me. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Cya later."


	3. Chapter 3

**I normally don't give shout-outs. But I will this time. This one goes out to both dancers of the night and pixidancer22, who reviewed like, every one of my stories. Thanks, guys. Anywhooo, for the millionth time, I hate this story. I will be writing this story again, but it will be the way I originally saw it, and it wont be as dark. –Alice xoxo**

Chapter three:

After Jasper left and after I got dressed, there wasn't much to do, so I decided to call Bella, just to let her know I was ok. I found my phone where all my other stuff was and dialed her familiar number. She answered after just a few rings.

"Alice? Oh My God, where are you? Rosalie said she saw you outside of Port Angeles last night. We looked all over for you. Are you ok?" She said when she answered. Of course Rosalie wouldn't tell Bella that I was with Jasper. She doesn't like Bella very much.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm with – I'm in _Philadelphia," I said._

_"Wait, how – what – who – what are you doing there?" She stuttered, looking for the right question_

_"Don't worry. I'm with Jasper. He let me come home with him"_

_She sighed in relief. "Oh My God, Alice. I was a worried sick all night. I couldn't even sleep. Are you ok there? You can come back and stay with me if you don't like it."_

_Wow, that was fast. "It's all good. I'm perfectly fine here. And I'm sure he's ok with everything, too."_

_"Alright. Do you need anything?" I could tell her voice was shaking. She was crying._

_"No. No, I'm fine."_

_"Thanks for calling me, Alice. I love you, you know that right? You're always going to be like a sister to me."_

_"Yeah," my voice was broken. Bella had made me cry. I tried to get my voice under control. "I love you, too."_

_"Are you crying?" She asked._

_I smiled although she couldn't see. "Yeah. Sorry."_

_"Don't be ashamed for crying, Alice." Se said. It was quiet for a few minutes. I was going to say goodbye to her, but she whispered, "I feel so bad for kicking you out. I wish I could take it back."  
"Don't worry about it. I'm fine here."_

_"Well, I got to go now. Thanks for calling me."_

_"No problem. I'll talk to you later. Bye, Bella."_

_"Bye, Alice." The phone clicked on the other end and I knew the call was over._

_I started wandering around the apartment after I hung up my phone. It was really small. In the less than 24 hours since I've been here, I've seen every room except for Jasper's… _

_The door was open, and he didn't say to not go in there, so I did. That room was small, too. There was a poster for a band on the wall above his small bed. I looked around and noticed a guitar and keyboard by the other wall. I wondered hopefully if he was good at either._

_I wandered over to his dresser. That wasn't too special. There were just a few coins and some CD cases. And a photo album. I opened it up and saw that it wasn't pictures of people, but things. And really good pictures of things. Sunsets, trees, an empty park, the beach. Things like that. I flipped through the book in awe at the skill that the pictures were taken with._

_I continued turning the pages of the book until I perceived a picture that wasn't in one of the sleeves. It was turned over, so I couldn't see the image. But on the back, the date 8/31/05 was written in a messy scrawl._

_I turned the picture over so I could see the image. What I did see, made my heard skip a beat in anger. It was Jasper, clearly, with the same blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. But there was another person in the picture as well. A girl. She had long, light brown hair and tan skin. She was really pretty. Jasper was kissing her cheek. I couldn't pull my eyes away from what I saw, even though I didn't like it, at all. Why was I jealous of this girl?_

_The sound of the phone ringing made me jump. I looked at the digital clock on the dresser and it read 10:00. Jasper was supposed to call. I closed the book and went out to the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello?" I said when I answered. _

_"Hey, Alice. It's just me," Jasper said. "Are you ok? You sound kind of… agitated."_

_"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. _

_"Ok, I just called to see that you where still there and such. You want me to pick anything up for you on my way home?"_

_"No. But thanks for asking."_

_"Ok, I gotta get going. I'll see you on my lunch, darlin.' Remember to keep the door locked, and don't go anywhere. I don't want you to get lost or hurt."_

_"Ok. Bye," I said before the line disconnected._

_--_

_There wasn't much to do after that, so I just decided to watch some T.V. Jasper eventually came home at 3:30, and brought me something to eat. After fighting with him, and asking him what's with his sick fetish for fat people, and why doesn't he see that I'm huge? And after he said that he didn't have some sick fetish for fat people, how I wasn't huge, I was pretty. And how he was nice enough to get me something, I did end up eating it. But of course, after he left, I got rid of it all. _

_He came home again at 6:30._

_"You want something to eat?" He asked just about the instant he walked in the door. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ok, whatever. I'm making something. I'll make enough for two, in case you change your mind."_

_"I wont," I said, sitting down at the table and watching him. We made small talk while he cooked and when he was eating._

_"You never did tell me where you work," I said when he was finished._

_"Oh, yeah," he said. "At the photo studio at the mall."_

_That explained the pictures in his room. "What do you take pictures of?" I asked as if I didn't know._

_"I'll show you," he said, getting up and taking my hand. He led me to his room where he showed me the same photo album that I was looking though earlier._

_I flipped through the pages again, still amazed by what I saw, so I didn't have to pretend. "You took all of these?" I asked, looking up. He nodded. "There really good." Then suddenly, an idea came to mind. I blushed and looked down._

_"Are you ok?" He asked._

_"Yeah, I was just wondering if…do you take pictures of people?" I blushed deeper. _

_He smiled and laughed a little. "Well, yeah. That's what I do at my job."_

_I just kept looking down. To embarrassed to look him in the eyes. "Uhmm, would you like to – I mean I was wondering if you would like to take some pictures of me?"_

_He laughed a little again. "Yeah, if you want to."_

_"Ok!" I exclaimed, jumping up and heading for his door._

_"Where are you going? I thought you wanted me to take some pictures…?"_

_I shook my head. "I do, I just need to get ready," I called before going out to get some of my stuff. Once I had what I needed, I went into the bathroom to get changed. When I was back in Jasper's room, I was wearing silk white lingerie with small, blue polka dots on them with matching panties. I had pulled my hair back with a rubber band and tied a blue ribbon over the rubber band._

_"Alice…wow," was all Jasper could say._

_I just smiled…and blushed, nervous about what I was about to do. "You ready?" I asked. My voice was all high._

_He held up a digital camera. It wasn't very professional. I could tell that it wasn't for any serious picture taking. "I am if you are," he said snapping one candid picture of me._

_He took a few posed ones of me until he stopped, and my idea started to work. Jasper came over to me and slid the top part of my lingerie off. I sighed in pleasure when he started to kiss and caress my body. He took a few more shots of me with my top off and sighed. I knew when he put the camera on his dresser, that I was suddenly loosing._

_"I think that's enough for tonight," he sighed, giving me my top back. I didn't put it on right away. I just put my hand up his shirt and traced my fingers slowly over his body._

_"How 'bout I take some pictures of you?" I asked seductively. He shook his head._

_"I said that's enough for tonight, Alice. Put your clothes back on. Tomorrow I'll print off the pictures and you can do what you want with them." He said indifferently._

_I looked down and put my top back on and walked towards the door. I looked at Jasper before I left. "I'm sorry," I whispered, really meaning it._

_He nodded. "You should be," where the last words he said before I went out to the couch to go to sleep._


	4. Chapter 4

**This is just a short filler chapter. Anything else I need to add…? Oh, yeah. I really wouldn't mind if you all stopped reading this. I hate this story. And, when this story is over, I'm probably going to go on a hiatus. I'll still read and review other people's stories. I'll be on every day like always, but I probably wont have any new stories for a while. –Alice xoxo**

Chapter 4:

Jasper was gone when I woke up. The clock on the table by the couch said 11:57. I noticed that there was a piece of paper on the table next to the clock. Written in an untidy scrawl read Alice. I picked it up and read it.

_Alice_, it said, _I'm really sorry about last night. I shouldn't have agreed to taking the pictures and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, darlin,' I'll call you on my break at 10:30. Keep the door locked and don't go anywhere. Get something to eat – Jasper._

It was long past his break. I went over to the answering machine. The screen on it showed a blinking number 1. I pressed the play button.

"Alice," Jasper's voice from inside the machine said, "Either your still asleep or your still pissed at me from last night – which I hope your not. I get out early today so I'll see you at four-thirty. Get something to eat, ok? I hope you're still not mad at me. Please don't be. I lo – I'll talk to you later."

I had to play the message over again three times. Did he almost say he loved me? The idea of him loving me had me thinking. He barely knew me, for crying out loud!

But how could he love me? I'm a fat, nasty, burden. I can't see how he can see past them things to the girl who I wish I was.

There really isn't much to do in Jasper's apartment. If he'd let me leave, then I could go out and explore the city. But nooo, he's keeping me as his prisoner. Kinda creepy…

So what do I do? I sit around and watch a Hannah Montana marathon on Disney Channel. I don't even get dressed that day. I'm still in the same outfit I was wearing the night before when Jasper gets home. I flip the channel over to the weather before he has a chance to notice what I'm watching.

"Hey, Darlin,'" he says when he sees me lying on the couch, "nice to see you got dressed today." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

I sat up and felt dizzy. Probably from lying down for so long. "There's no reason to get dressed. You wont let me go anywhere."

"Sorry," he says, coming closer. "I'll make it up to you. I have tomorrow off, I'll take you shopping."

I try not to smile like a freak. I haven't gone shopping in I can't remember how long. "Really?" I ask.

"Yep," Jasper whispered as he sat down next to me. "Look, about last night. I'm really, really sorry." He put his hand on mine and rubbed it gently.

"Why are you apologizing? It's my fault. I don't know what came over me. What was I thinking…?" I put my head down and Jasper lifted it back up.

"Are you ok, Darlin'? You look a little pale…?"

I shake my head and the dizziness came back. "No, I'm fine," I lie.

"Ok, good. Because I want to go upload those pics so we can print them off," he said before he took my hand and led me into his room.

I leaned against him on his bed as Jasper plugged the camera to his laptop with the USB cord. Once all the pictures we took the night before where uploaded, Jasper began to look through them. Especially the ones where my top was off.

There was one in particular that he looked at longer. It was one where my top was off, and he had stood above me while I sat on the floor. He looked at that one for a while, until he looked at me. "This one is my favorite," he said quietly. He leaned closer to me, as if he was going to kiss me, but pulled away quickly and gasped a little. "Sorry. I'm just going to print these out now."

I fallowed him as he walked over to the desk and hooked the computer up to the printer. When I stood up, I felt dizzy again. I put my hand on my forehead as I steadied myself and walked over to him.

Jasper looked at me. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah…I just…" that's all I could make out. Everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five. Sorry it took so long to update. Thursdays will be update days until I'm finished with this story. – Alice xoxo**

Chapter 5:

The first think I was aware of was my name being called. It sounded faint and far away. The next thing I could remember was the slightest pressure first on my forehead. Then my cheek, my nose, my lips, before I woke up.

"Alice?" Jasper said as I began to open my eyes. "Are you ok, Darlin'?"

"Wha-what happened?" I slurred.

Jasper brushed my hair away from my sweaty face. "You fainted. When was the last time you had something to eat? Don't lie to me."

"I-I don't remember," I whispered. Jasper sighed and picked me up and carried me out to the kitchen and sat me down at the table.

"You need to eat, Alice. You could get really hurt," he said, looking around the kitchen for something for me to eat.

"But I can't eat. I'm fat and it will only get worse if you make me eat," I said. My voice shook and I couldn't stop the few tears that fell from my eyes. "Why can't you see that?" I put my head down on the table and Jasper was next to me in two seconds, rubbing my back. His odd calming effect was starting to work.

"No, Alice, why can't you see? You're not fat. And eating wont make you fat. You're the most beautiful girl that I've seen in a long time. Please eat something. Please. For me?"

I looked at him and he kissed the wet spot on my cheek where the tears had fallen. "Ok," I whispered.

He kissed my hair. "Thank you," he said before getting up and making me something.

--

Jasper took me to the mall the next morning so I could go shopping. He said I could have – almost – anything. There where quiet a few malls in Philadelphia, apparently, but he took me to The Shops At Liberty Place, and they didn't have a very large selection of clothing stores, but I didn't complain. I haven't gone shopping since…well, I haven't gone shopping in a long time.

I didn't really find much. Jasper promised that he'd take me to another mall the next day he had off. We were just about to leave, when we walked passed a jewelry store. In the window, there was a small tanzanite ring. Tanzanite is my favorite gem stone. It's a pale purple or periwinkle color. This ring was small, just like me. And I really, really liked it.

"You like that?" Jasper asked. I kind of blushed a little.

"No," I lied. "It's too much anyway." I sighed as I started to walk away.

"That's not exactly what I asked," he whispered as we walked out of the mall.

The ride home was quiet.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked Jasper.

"I was just thinking about the day we met. At Bella's. You've really changed a lot since then."

He was right. I haven't said – or though, for that matter – the word 'fuck' since the day I got to Jasper's. And I haven't felt the need to get high or cut myself since then either. "That was just a few days ago. It seem forever ago now…"

"Your right," he sighed. "Can I ask you something?" He didn't wait for me to answer. "Why did you live with Bella, anyway?"

I sighed. Not exactly sure if I wanted to tell him or not. But I did trust him. "I got taken away from my mom. She almost beat me to death. Bella was my foster sister. And after I was granted emancipation about three months ago, she let me live with her…" My words trailed off because my voice was shaking.

"Why did your mom almost kill you?" He asked. His hand was on top of mine now.

"Well, she was almost always out getting drunk, and so my dad had to stay home and take care of me. After a while, I guess he got sick of me or something. He always invited his friends over, and he would show me off to them. They all agreed that I was beautiful.

"And once, when they were over, my dad wanted to really show them how beautiful I was, so he took of my clothes and they started to" –

Jasper cut me off, "Alice…shhhhh…stop crying. It's ok now. I'm here…"

I was crying? I touched my cheek and sure enough, it was wet. We were stopped now, at Jasper's apartment. He picked me up and held me like I was a baby. I didn't care. He just let me cry while he stroked my hair.

"It's ok, Darlin,' it's ok," he kept whispering while he rubbed my hair and kissed the top of my head.

I don't know how long it was like that. It felt like hours before I finally looked up at Jasper. "You ok now?" He asked. I nodded and he kissed my forehead. I looked at him and raised my eyebrow at him. "What?"

I answered by doing what I wanted him to do to me. I kissed him. It wasn't anything special. Just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything. It never will mean anything. Just a kiss…


	6. Chapter 6

**There is only one more chapter after this and let me warn you: the story doesn't really end. It just stops. And the hiatus that I said I would be on will be shorted than I thought. R&R – Alice xoxo ps, I meant to make this chapter have angst, but I'm not really sure if it does.**

Chapter 6:

I thought that everything would go back to normal. Like nothing had happened. We went back into the apartment and Jasper made us some dinner. The only thing that changed was that I didn't put up a fight.

We ate quietly and Jasper went into his room. I went to the bathroom and had an urge to cut myself. I don't know where it came from. But I haven't done that in days.

Even so, I found a pair of scissors in the bathroom and dragged the tool across my wrist. But in a different way, I didn't make a line like I normally did, what if first thought was a design, turned out to look like something that read J+A. Where did that come from?

I cleaned up my mess of blood and went back out to go lay down on the couch. On my way out, I heard Jasper playing his keyboard in his room. Like he was playing around with the notes. Either he was writing a song or he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

Wow. When was the last time I said 'fuck'? Something was wrong about me. Something has changed…

I couldn't sleep at all that night. I probably only got 3 or so hours. I knew Jasper didn't sleep, either. I heard him playing both his guitar and keyboard thought the night. It got better and better, and soon, it was a tune that I was unfamiliar with. He played that over and over on both the guitar and keyboard, until eventually, I fell asleep…

There was a note for me again when I woke up in the morning. Alice, it said, I'm at work. I'll call you on my break and I'll be home for lunch. – Jasper.

That was it. Nothing about keeping the door locked. Nothing about not going out. Nothing about getting something to eat. It almost was a message for himself, to remember what to do.

Something wasn't right. I was almost happy here but now I'm… Change was coming, I could feel it.

The ringing phone pulls me from my thoughts. I glance over at the clock before answering. It says its 10:07. It has to be Jasper.

I pick u the hone. "Hello," I say into it tiredly.

"Alice," It's Jasper's voice, I know that. But something about it seems wrong. "Are you ok?"

I sigh. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes. "I don't know. You just sound kind of…" His voice trailed off and I wanted to say something to fill the silence, but there was nothing to say. "Well, I should go…"

"Bye," I whispered.

"I lo – I'll cya – I'll be home for lunch soon," he stuttered before the line cut off. There it was again. He'd almost said he loved me.

I almost couldn't believe it. He couldn't love me. I was not worth loving. Bella'd said she loved me and she kicked me out. My mom said she loved me but she nearly killed me. My dad said he loved me but he and his friends all used me for my body. I grew up learning that love leads to pain. I couldn't let Jasper love me because he'd probably end up hurting me.

But that's impossible though. I couldn't not let Jasper love me. It was inevitable. Love is inevitable. It just happens. Like everything else in the world.

When Jasper comes home for lunch, not only does he only stay for a few minutes – when he has about 15 – but he also doesn't look at me directly. As if I wasn't wearing any clothes and he doesn't want me to catch him staring.

The last thing he says before he leaves as that 'we need to talk' when he gets home. Those are the four most hateful words in the English speaking language.

I wait for three hours for him to come home. Part of me considered getting all my stuff ready, in case he wants to kick me out. The past few days have probably been boring for him. I haven't done much and I'm taking up most of his space.

Jasper finally does get home and when he does, I'm in the same spot that I was in when he left.

"Alice," he says nervously, "I really need to talk to you." He takes my hand and starts leading me towards his room. I hesitate. "What's the matter?"

"I know what you're going to say. You're sick of me living here and want me to go back to Bella's house," I whisper shakily. I wasn't going to cry, I told myself.

Jasper just smiled for the first time that day and I could feel the tears sting at my eyes. Tears of frustration. He's about to kick me out and he's smiling? Is he really that excided to let me go. He tries again to pull towards his room, whispering, "Common, Alice," and smiling.

I fallow him as he takes me into his room, he has this nervous smile on his face and I'm about ready to slap him. Instead, he picks me up and sets me in the middle of the bed like I'm a little kid or something.

"Ok, before we talk, Alice, I wrote you a song," he said. I blush about fifteen shades of red, "would you like for me to play it on the guitar or keyboard?"

So that's what he was doing all night that kept me awake. "Uhmm," I say. My voice really high, "The keyboard, I guess."

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek before getting up and going over to the keyboard where he proceeds to play the piece that I heard him working on all night. It's sweet. Romantic.

When Jasper comes back over to sit next to me, he has to wipe the tears away in order for me to see him.

"That was…wow," I say, blushing and looking down. "That was really sweet. Why did you do that, Jasper?"

He takes my hand before speaking. "Alice. Remember yesterday on the way home from that mall, and you kissed me?" I nod and he looks down. "Well that's the only thing I've been able to think about for the past I don't know how long. I couldn't sleep last night so I had to write it out. And also – call me crazy – I think that I'm possibly falling in love with you."

Jasper looks up at me, expecting to see me crying or smiling or whatever girls do when boys tell them they love her. But I'm defiantly not smiling. And if there are tears in my eyes, they're because of anger. His smile eventually fades when he notices my expression.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"Do you know what love equals? Pain, Jasper. Love is pain. Did you know that everyone who has told me they loved me, has hurt me? I told you what my parents did to me. After they said they love me. Bella said she loved me and she fucking kicked me out." By the time I'm done talking, I'm crying. Jasper pulls me close and brushes the tears off my cheek.

"You don't have to love me Alice. But I'm not going to stop. And I wont hurt you. Ever. I promise," He said, kissing my hair often.

"I didn't say I didn't want to love you. I said you can't love me."

"I can't help how I feel, Alice. And if I want to love you, I think I have the right to. I promise I wont hurt you. Ever."

There's nothing I can say, so I just lift the sleeve up on my shirt and show him the scar that I created yesterday. J+A. I now know what it means. Jasper and Alice.

"I love you," I whisper as Jasper kisses me passionately. He plays with the edge of my shirt, unsure if I want him to take it of me or not. I let him.

His finger traces my belly button as he whispers, "We don't have to do anything, Alice. You don't have to prove that you love me. I believe you."

I sigh nervously, "I-I want to," I whisper before kissing him

--

I wake up in Jasper's bed to the phone ringing. Something about it seems ominous.

"Who is it?" Jasper asks, only half awake. I roll out of bed and put my panties on quickly along with Jasper's shirt that's on the floor.

"I don't know," I answer him as I leave the room. I made it to the phone just as the answering machine comes on. "Hello?" I say into it.

"Uhmm, yeah, is Jasper there?" The girl's voice answers.

"No. Well, yes he IS here but he's sleeping," I say even though he just entered the room. "Who is this?"

"I'm Maria. His girlfriend."


	7. Chapter 7

**Here is the last chapter of Breathe Me. I hope you liked it, however I wont be surprised if you say you hate it. The story doesn't end, it just stops. If you want to make your own sequel, go ahead and do it, just let me know first. I will be uploading the first chapter of my next story as soon as I can thing of a good enough title and summary. That will be anywhere from five minutes until later tonight. so check back often. Maybe it's up now as you read this... Kthanksbye – Alice xoxo**

* * *

Chapter Seven:

I can just barely hear Jasper's voice on the other side of his bedroom door talking to that Maria girl. That fucking bitch. I cant exactly hear words, except for a few 'yes's and 'no's and a 'don't you dare.'

I have my phone and all the money to my name in my pocket in case I have to make a run for it.

The door to Jasper's bedroom opens up and he sees me sitting with my back against the wall.

"Want to come in for a minute so we can talk about this?" He asks. I shake my head stubbornly. "I meant that as a rhetorical question. Come in my room please, I really want to explain this all to you."

I stand up but don't face him. "What is there to explain? That you told me you loved me just so you could get in my fucking pants?"

"No," he said. He grabbed my wrist but I pulled away and headed for the door, "everything that happened last night was real, Alice, I love you…"

I ignored him and just left without a word.

Jasper's apartment was just a few blocks from the metro so I decided to walk there. I had counted my money and found out that I had a little more then enough for a plane ride back to Forks. The metro took me directly to the airport and I bought a last minute ticket back home. I called Bella about 15 minutes before I had to board the plane.

"Hello?" She said when she answered.

"Bella? I'm coming home," I said, sniveling.

"Why? Are you ok?"

I sighed shakily. "No. I'll explain everything when I get home. I'll see you soon."

"Cya?" she kinda asked before hanging up.

--

"Alice!" Bella called when she picked me up at the airport. I was so relived that she came to pick me up, so I wouldn't have to walk home in what was most likely raining. "Alice, Oh My God," she wrapped her arms around me and led me to her car, "What happened?"

I started crying. "Well, Jasper went though the fucking trouble to write me a song and planed a speech about how he was fucking falling in love with me! And it was all just to get into my fucking pants and you know what? He has a fucking girlfriend, Bella! I bet the whole fucking thing was a plan for him to get laid. And I believed it all. I believed that he loved me. I had sex with him Bella…" I cried and cried as I told her what happened. "Why'd I believe him? I told him that everyone who's said they loved me has hurt me. He promised he wouldn't hurt me. If he fucking promised then why am I in pain?"

Bella didn't answer any of my rhetorical questions, she just shook her head and looked at me sadly as I vented.

We eventually ended up at her house and it felt like months since I've been here – not days.

"You can have your room back, you know," she said when we walked through the door.

I looked down at the phone I had in my hands. "I left all my stuff at Jasper's. I ran out of there so quickly." I crossed my arms over my chest as if I was cold but I really wasn't. "And I'm just going to go upstairs and sleep." I said slowly walking up the stairs.

My room was exactly the way I left it. The bed unmade, the few books that I own all over the floor, my dresser drawers all open with a few clothes sticking out.

I let myself fall onto the bed without even bothering to use the blankets to cover myself up. After a quick bout of crying, I finally fall asleep.

And that's all I do for three days.

Bella wakes me up every 12 hours, telling me how long I've been asleep, telling me that she's heard me crying, and asking me if I want anything to eat or drink or if I have to go to the bathroom. And since I say no to her offerings, it's a no to if I have to go to the bathroom.

After the three full days of sleeping, I lay in bed awake. Not doing anything except listen. I hear Bella's boyfriend, Edward come over. (And also when he's over I hear loud screams and moans coming from her bedroom.) I hear Bella do other things such as cleaning and watching T.V. for another day or so until I hear someone knock on the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bella asks whoever it is.

"I've looked all over Philadelphia for Alice," the voice said. It was familiar, but different. Sad. Thick, like whoever it was had been crying. Jasper. "I figured she came here."

I rolled out of bed and walked towards the stairs, afraid to go down them.

"You hurt her," Bella answered. "She hasn't left her room since she's got here."

I begin slowly walking down the stairs as Jasper speaks. "Please," he says, "Just let me see her. I need to explain."

"Explain how you used her in your dirty trick to get laid?"

"Is that what she thinks? Its not tr" – Jasper's words are cut of when he sees me at the bottom of the stairs. "Alice," he breathes. He looks different. His eyes are red and a little wet. He's been crying.

Bella turns around and sees me standing there and she gasps. As if it's the best damn thing ever that I left my room.

I don't know what to do or what to say. I don't know if I want to start sobbing or run to Jasper and beg him to take me back to his house – to home.

"Can I talk to you, Alice?" Jasper asks. I nod silently and Bella leaves the room. I sit down on the step and he comes over and sits next to me. "I'm really sorry. You know that, right?" I shake my head.

"That girl Maria, she's your girlfriend?" I ask.

"No, not exactly," he answers, wiping away the tears from my eyes that I didn't know had fallen.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Let me explain. No, she is not my girlfriend. She was, once, but I broke up with her about two years ago because she was too controlling, but the thing is, she still thinks I'm her boyfriend. When she called a few days ago, I was pissed at her. She said that she was 'sending me something important' and that it should be here in about a week.

"Alice, I swear to you, when I told you I loved you, I meant it. That was all real. I do love you. Do you believe me?" I shook my head a little. "Ok, then," Jasper says as he pulled something out of his pocket and slips it on my finger. The ring that I saw just days ago at the mall.

"Please come back and live with me. I love you, and I've just been a fucking mess without you. For the first day I just laid in bed and cried. I was worried fucking sick. And then I nearly passed out from fear when I found out some girl – who was described exactly like you – was raped and murdered. I looked all over the city for you and then I figured you don't know the city that well, and you'd probably go some place that you knew. So I came here.

"When Bella said that you were, in fact, here I started crying yet again. So relieved that you were safe." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I still couldn't speak. "Do you believe me now?"

"Yes," I whispered as he brushed the remaining tears away from my face.

"Are you coming back to my house?"

I nod and stand up. "When do we leave?"

"Well, the next plane leaves in about five hours. Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah, I just…I guess I have to tell Bella that I'm leaving."

I didn't have to go find her, Bella had been listening in on our conversation and was in the room with her arms around me. "You'll come to visit me soon, right?" She asked with a sad voice.

I almost started crying again, too. What was with me? I've cried so much in this past week. "Of course I will. I'll come up for your birthday in a few months."

She nodded and kissed the top of my head. "I love you sister," She whispered and the dam broke. I was bawling. Bella was really the only family that I had. She was my best friend. My sister.

"I love you too. I'll miss you," I said pulling away from her and taking Jasper's hand and leaving. "Bye, sister," I whispered loud enough for her to hear me before I was out the door…


End file.
